Top 18 Things on a Y2K Survivalist’s To-Do List

18> Find grocery store receipt for 10,000 packets of ramen noodles.17> Apologize to neighbors about the tripwire incident; offer to replace dog.16> Take up pork & beans skeet shooting.15> Gather recipes for Spam, dehydrated potatoes, and crow.14> Cancel subscription to Stockpilers Quarterly, but keep the free can opener.13> Convert weapons back to semi-auto.12> Pitch “1000 Ideas for Wheat Gluten” to Martha Stewart’s people.11> Return 753 videos to Blockbuster.10> Water yard, one lousy gallon at a time. 9> Prepare for the dreaded but little-known “Arbor Day Bug.” 8> Shoot first — forget the damn questions. 7> Learn how to disarm a Claymore mine. 6> Laugh at all those losers out there fighting each other for scraps of food, and thank the Lord for the safety of the bunker, cut off from all connection with the outside world. 5> Find the bastard who sold me all that dehydrated water. 4> Curse God for pussing out on the wrath. 3> Convert my anti-Y2K-Bug tin-foil hat back into an anti-Katie-Couric-Mind-Control tin-foil hat. 2> Make sure the babes in the bunker still think we need to repopulate earth….and’s Number 1 Thing on a Y2K Survivalist’s To-Do List… 1> Make friends with the 6 billion other Y2K survivors.

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