Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.Your mama has more tattoos than you do.You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.
You’ve ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can’t find it.
what do u call a paki walking up a wall .black magic
You consider duct tape and tarp straps necessities for auto body repair.You raise the confederate flag in the bed of your truck whenever you go for a drive.You can’t wait for the Saturday night square dance.
Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.
The hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The first night the hillbilly anxiously jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready for a little romance.
His new bride comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says “Honey, I have something to tell you. I’m a virgin.”
The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father’s house. When he gets there his father says “Son, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be on your honeymoon.”
The son, almost out of breath from his run to the house says “Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She’s a virgin!!!!”
“Damn son. You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn’t good enough for her family, she sure as hell isn’t good enough for ours!”
Rednecks dont let friends drive drunk,they get drunk and ride with them.
A redneck was getting in his truck and a trooper pulled up and asked him, if he had a hunting license for this state. The redneck showed him the license, and the trooper was satisfied. But, the trooper saw another duck, and he sniffed its butt and said “This is a Kansas duck, do you have a Kansas hunting license?”. The redneck pulled out his Kansas license, and the trooper was happy. Then he saw a third duck, and sniffed its butt, and said “This is an Arkansas duck. Do you have an Arkansas hunting license?” Sure enough the redneck pulled out his Arkansas licence, and the trooper, said ok. Then he saw a fourth duck, and sniffed its buttand said “This is a Kentucky duck. Do you have a Kentucky Hunting licence?” and the redneck pulled out his Kentucky Hunting Licence.
The trooper couldn’t believe the redneck had shot this many ducks from all these different states and said, “Boy, where are you from, exactly?” The redneck pulled down his pants and said “Why don’t you just sniff my butt and see!”
How can we tell that the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?
Had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a “teethbrush.
You know your a redneck if you’re playing soccer and you
say ”I hit my two best balls today… with a rake.”
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. “Well,” the farmer said, “today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket ’bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.””Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.” “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied. “So what happened then?” the man asked.The farmer said, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.” “And then?” “Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket ’bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”Man laughed and said, “Again?” The farmer replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So, what did you do then?” the man asked. “I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.””And then?””Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.””Hmmm . . . ” the man said and nodded his head. “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said. “So, what did you do?” the man asked.”Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can’t explain.”
“Hard drive” — Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
“Keyboard” —- Place to hang your truck keys.
“Window” —— Place in the truck to hang your guns.
“Floppy” —— When you run out of Polygrip.
“Modem” ——- How you got rid of your dandelions.
“ROM” ——— Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
“Byte” ——– First word in a kiss-off phrase.
“Reboot” —— What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
“Network” —– Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
“Mouse” ——- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
“LAN” ——– To borrow as in, “Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.”
“Cursor” —— What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
“bit” ——— A wager as in, “I bit you can’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.”
“digital control” — What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
“packet” —— What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.