The Top 16 Songs From Dracula: The Musical!

16> Some Enchanted Bleeding15> Tainted Blood14> Me and My Shad– Well, Crap13> 50 Ways to Bleed Your Lover12> Sweet Home Transylvania11> Livin’ La Vida Muerta10> To Scream the Impossible Scream 9> Chomp! 8> I Only Have Eye Teeth for You 7> A Corpse Is a Corpse (Of Course, of Course) 6> Here Comes the Sun…  Aiiieeee! 5> Stakedance! 4> Just My Exsanguination (Running Away With Me) 3> I’m Singing in the Vein 2> She Fangs 1> There’s No Business Like O Business!             [  The Top 5 List   www.topfive.com  ]             [   Copyright 2004 by Chris White    ] 

Before Starting A Rock Band

Before starting a rock band, you should know that the following
names are taken:

[ a ] Albino Toilet Boys
Alcoholocaust
Alcoholics Unanimous
Apocalypse Hoboken
Armageddon Dildos

[ b ] Biff Hitler and the Violent Mood Swings
The Band Formerly Known As Sausage
Band Over
Band That Shot Liberty Valence
Barbara’s Bush
Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children MacNuggits
The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir
The Boxing Ghandis
Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre
Breakfast in Beirut
Bulimia Banquet
Buster Hymen & the Penetrators

[ c ] Caltransvestites
Cap’n Crunch and the Cereal Killers
Carnage Asada
Cindy Brady’s Lisp
Cortizone 5
Cottage Cheese from the Lips of Death

[ d ] The Dancing French Liberals of 1848
The Dead Sea Squirrels
The Dead Kennedys
The Dick Clarks
The Dick Nixons
Dicky Retardo
Drunks With Guns

[ e ] e. coli
Edith Head
Electric Prostates
Elvis Hitler
Ethyl Merman

[ f ] Fearless Iranians From Hell
Fields of Shit
’57 Lesbian
The 4-Skins
Four Nurses of the Apocalypse
The French are from Hell
Fromage d’Amour

[ g ] Gefilte Joe and the Fish
Gonoreagan

[ h ] Headless Marines
Hell Camino
Herpes Cineplex
Hindu Garage Sale
Hitler’s Bikini
HIV and the Positives
Honest Bob and the Factory to Dealer Incentives
Hornets Attack Victor Mature

[ i ] Impaled Nazarenes
Inhale Mary

[ j ] Janitors Against Apartheid
Jehovah’s Waitresses
Jehovah’s Wetness
Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program
Jesus Christ Super Fly
Jesus Chrysler Supercar
Jesus Manson and the Starvation Army
JFKFC
Jonestown Punch

[ k ] Kathleen Turner Overdrive
Kerrigan’s Knees

[ l ] Lack of Afro
Lawn Piranhas
The Leave It To Beaver Conehead Immolation
Lee Harvey Keitel
Lesbian Ninjas
Louder Than God

[ m ] Mao Tse Helen
Mary Kay and the Cosmetics
Max Roach and the Holders
Minnie Pearl’s Jam
Mr. Happy and the Genocides
Mussolini Headkick
My Dog Has Hitler’s Brain

[ n ] Nate Nocturnal and the Nightly Emissions
Nervous Christians and the Lions
Norman Bates and the Shower Heads
Not Drowning, Waving

[ p ] Pabst Smear
Pearl Harbor and the Explosions
Penis DeMilo
Pepto Dismal
Phenobarbidols
Phlegm Fatale
Poultry in Motion
Pretentious Flamedogs
The Pro-Midget Mafia
Psychic Buddhist Gorillas
Psycho Sluts from Hell
Pungent Frustration
Purple Headed Love Warriors

[ r ] Raging Pimps of Doom
Rectal Nightmare
Reluctant Stereotypes
Reserectum
Results of Inbreeding
Retarted Elf
Roid Rogers and the Whirling Butt Cherries

[ q ] Quasimodo and the Eunuchs

[ s ] Sandy Duncan’s Eye
Screaming Headless Torsos
Screaming Iguanas of Love
Screaming Moist Accountants
Septic Death
Seven Year Bitch
The Shamu Afterbirth Orchestra
Shirley Temple of Doom
Shirley Temple Pilots
Simulated Orgasms [Simulerte Orgasmer] Skeptic Tank
Smegma & the Nuns
Smorgasborgnine
Solosex
The Sound of Munich
Spastic Colon
The Sphinctones
Stiff Richards
Stukas Over Bedrock
Swingin’ Johnsons

[ t ] Ted Bundy’s Volkswagen
The Telephony Bandits of Doom
Temporary Darkening of the Stool
Testostertones
The Texas Nazis
Thank God We’re Immortal
They Tried To Frame OJ
To Live and Shave in LA
Toxic Shock and the Tampons
Tracy & the Hindenburg Ground Crew
Tragic Mulatto
Transsexual Hitler
Trotsky Icepick

[ u ] Uncle Dickie’s Shameless Quickies
Unstoppable Kamikaze Iditos

[ v ] Vaginal Davis
The Velcro Pygmies
Vic Morrow’s Head

[ w ] The Well Hungarians
Willie Nelson Mandela

[ y ] Yoko Homo

[ z ] Zip Code Rapists
Zombies Under Stress
Zulu Leprechauns

Drum joke

What is your IQ?Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he’ll ask his guests what their I.Q. is–hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there.The day of Bob’s party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I.Q. is.”200,000″ replies the first guest.”Well, that’s great,” says Bob, let’s talk about ethereal astro physics.Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while.Later in the party, someone else is at the door. “Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what’s your I.Q.?”The new guest responds with “250”.”Great,” says Bob. “Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile.Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. “Hi, my name’s Bob; welcome to my party, what’s your I.Q.?”This time the guest replies after putting some thought into it “five”.”Well, that’s great,” says Bob, “what kind of drumsticks do you use?”

The Top 14 Signs a Co-Worker’s Not Really Into Hip-Hop

14> His idea of bling bling is a huge belt buckle with a picture of Hank Williams Jr. on it.13> Raises her hands way up in the air, and — gross, what the hell is all that hair?12> Thinks Ice-T is a drink, Saran is the best rap and Harvard is “old school.”11> Never fails to point out that unlike real M&Ms, your Eminem has little or no color whatsoever.10> “Aaaaaaah! Don’t they realize how bad that is for the album, let alone the record player?!?”9> Oh, he samples all right — but just the cocktail weenies at Price Club.8> Thinks teens with crooked hats, falling-down pants, untied shoes, puffy coats on hot days and incomprehensible speech are special-ed kids.7> The constant snickering is lost upon your boss, Mr. Moe Feauxshisel.6> “Why are all of these songs about dogs?”5> Trying desperately to fit in, he keeps erroneously referring to the women at the office as “hos” when they’re *clearly* bitches.4> Sentences in his memos rarely contain more than five Zs.3> Thinks “bling bling” is one of those pandas they want to mate at the zoo.2> She’s afraid she’ll get fired for sexual harassment if she talks about her posse.1> His constant discussions of Ol’ Dirty Bastard all seem to be directed at his father.             [  The Top 5 List   www.topfive.com  ]             [   Copyright 2004 by Chris White    ] 

Annoying Pop Stars

One day, Hanson and the Spice Girls were all on an airplane, and
they get into a discussion.

Baby Spice stated “You know, I could toss a thousand dollars out
the window of this plane and make one person very happy.” Then,
the oldest Hanson brother said, “Well, I could toss ten one
hundred dollar bills out the plane and make ten people happy.”

Then Sporty Spice said, “Well, I could toss one hundred, ten
dollar bills out, and make one hundred people happy!” Then the
middle Hanson brother very proudly said, “Well, I could toss one
thousand, one dollar bills out the window and make one thousand
people happy!”

Sick of the discussion, another passenger said, “Well, I have a
better idea, I could toss all of you out the window and make the
entire world happy!”