Dishes

A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the family room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes,
then complete silence.

The girl looked at her dad and said, “It was Mom.”

“How do you know?”

“She didn’t say anything.”

Ugly Faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly the teacher said, “When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that.”

The student looked up at her and surveyed her face and replied, “Well you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

Getting into heaven

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”

The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'”

Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Calamjo

Hypothetical Question

A little boy goes up to his father and asks:
“Dad, what’s the difference between hypothetical and reality?”

The father replies: “Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she’d have sex with the mailman for $500,000.”

The boy goes and asks his mother: “Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?” The mother replies: “Hell yes I would!”

The little boy returns to his father: “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!'” The father then says: “Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she’d have sex with her principal for $500,000.”

The boy asks his sister: “Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?” The sister replies: “Hell yes I would!”

He returns to his father: “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!'” The father answers: “Okay son, here’s the deal: Hypothetically, we’re millionaires, but in reality, we’re just living with a couple of whores.”

Fire Engine

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog’s privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly.

A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, “You know, son, that truck would go alot faster if the rope was tied around your dog’s neck.”

The boy nodded in agreement and said, “But then there wouldn’t be a siren.”