The whole world could be happy

Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying
aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success
stories about taxing Americans.

Bill: “Why don’t I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make
someone very happy.”

Hillary: “Well, why don’t you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window
and make ten people happy.”

Al: “Why don’t you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy.”

Tipper: “Why don’t we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout
the United States and world happy.”

CLERKS

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed
that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me
that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When
asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the
credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I
signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

True story from a Novel Netware SysOp:

Caller: “Hello, Is this tech support?�
Tech: “Yes, It is. How may I help you?”
caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
Tech: “Did you say a Cup holder?�
caller: “Yes! It is attached to the front of my computer”
Tech:”Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it�s because I am. Did you
receive this as part of a promotional,at a trade show?”
caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotional,
and it just has 4 X on it.”
At this point the tech rep had to mute the caller because he couldn’t stand it
He was laughing too high. The caller had been using the load drawer of CD-ROM
drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

Modem manufacturer

You’ve probably heard about the Mars Pathfinder probe. Once it lands on the
red planet, pathfinder will release the sojourner rover, a little laboratory on
wheels. Sojourner will cruise about the Martian surface performing experiments.
It turns out that sojourner and pathfinder will communicate using two standard,
off-the-shelf 9600-baud radio modems.
According to jet propulsion laboratory program manager Donna Shirley, the
modem manufacturer warned jpl that sending the modem to mars would void the
warrantee.

Cool

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called up to him and said,
“If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I
will stay with you for one week.”
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took
the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful
princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t
you kiss me?”
The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that’s cool.

Don’t be on this flight

“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome
you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently
flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

“If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you
will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

“If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the
port wing has fallen off.

“If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow
life raft with three people in it waving at you.

“That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This
is a recorded message. Have a good flight!”

AN IDIOT’S IDIOT

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The
message ‘He’s lying’ was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy
button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing
the ‘lie detector’ was working, the suspect confessed.