CIA Warning

WARNING

Don’t go to the bathroom on November 8th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who goes #2 on the 28th will be bitten on the ass by an alligator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American’s toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business.

I usually don’t send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who’s drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked.

Moral Dilemma

You are a Pulitzer Prizer winner photographer in Afganistan.

You are standing on the bank of a river and a large flood
happens.

Floating down the river, you see Osama Bin Laden barely staying
afloat on a tree branch, begging for his life and forgiveness.

You have to ask yourself one question…

What size lens will you use?

Bin Ladin

These for people in a car were speeding at 95 miles per hour,
then 100, then 110!

they heard these sirens from behind so the went faster 112 miles
per hour, then 120 miles per hour! the coppers were still
chasing them, so they took a sidetrail and got away. The
policeman said they’ll be back.

Two hours later they found the car wrapped around a tree, but
there were only three in there now, so he went over there to
talk to them.

“Hey!, do you know how fast you were going on that freeway? well
tell me your names anyway.

the driver said “Bin Drinkin”, the other person in the front
said “Bin Smokin”, and they guy in the back said “Bin Screwin”
The policeman replied “weren’t there four of you in the car?”

“Yeah, He Ran off into the Woods somewhere hiding from you, He’s
name is Bin Ladin!”

Squeezing into the Telephone Box

Q: How do you get 30 Israelis into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s air-tight

Q: How do you get 30 Americans into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s got oil in it

Q: How do you get 30 French into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s not in Iraq

Q: How do you get 30 Europeans into a telephone box?
A: Tell them there’s no fighting involved

Q: How do you get 30 British politicians in a telephone box?
A: Tell them there are votes in it

Q: How do you get 30 Brits into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s safer than a Tornado

Q: How do you get 30 British MI5 men into a telephone box?
A: Tell them an Iraqi lives there

Q: How do you get 30 British-resident Iraqis into a telephone box?
A: Tell the MI5 men it’s Penton-ville Prison

Q: How do you get 30 Russians into a telephone box?
A: Tell them there’s a slice of bread in it

Q: How do you get 30 peace protesters into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s the American Embassy

Q: How do you get 30 Turks into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s not an airbase, honest

Q: How do you get 30 Kuwaitis into a telephone box?
A: Tell them there’s an Iraqi coming

Q: How do you get 30 Iranians into a telephone box?
A: Tell them to do it in the sacred name of Allah

Q: How do you get 30 American Generals into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s a target of the Allied bombers

Q: How do you get 30 reporters into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s in Baghdad

Q: How do you get 30 Palestinians into a telephone box?
A: Tell them if they do, you’ll liberate the Occupied Territories

Q: How do you get 30 telephone company engineers into a telephone box?
A: You must be joking! You can’t even get ONE in a telephone box…

Q: How do you get 30 students into a telephone box?
A: Make the other 70 homeless

Bin Ladens Death

Osama bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, consulted a psychic about the date of his death.

Closing his eyes and reaching into the realm of the future, the psychic revealed the true answer. “You will die on an American holiday.”

“Which one?” asked bin Laden.

“It don’t matter,” said the psychic. “The day you die will be made into an American holiday.”


Submited by Rudyard Yap

Texan vs. Taliban

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune….

“One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban”

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then silence.

The voice then calls out….. “One Texan is better than one hundred Taliban”

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Texan’s voice calls out again…. “One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban”

The enraged Taliban commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander…..

“Don’t send any more men….it’s a trap….there’s two of them”