Domestic agenda

“In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam
Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing,
and education – anything that’s needed. Isn’t that amazing? He finally comes up
with a domestic agenda – and it’s for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it
works out.”

Laura Bush went to the doctor

Laura Bush went to the doctor for a check up and got a clean bill of health.
When she got home George asked her, “So how did the appointment go?”
Laura bragged, “the Doctor said I have the heart and lungs of a
twenty-year-old.”
George smirked, “Oh yeah? And what did he have to say about
your fifty year old ass?”
Laura replied: “Your name didn’t come up.”

Einstein

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let
him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his
equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter
asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?” Picasso sketched out a couple of his
masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died,
he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. “How can you prove to me you’re
George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said. Bush replied, “Well heck, I don�t know.” St.
Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his
famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?” Bush replies,
“Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?” St. Peter says, “It must be you, George,
c’mon on in.”

During a propaganda tour

During a propaganda tour, President Bush visits a school to explain his
Politics to kids. He invites the kids to ask him questions. Bobby stands Up and
tells him “Mr. President, I got 3 questions:”

1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you Still
won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don’t you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist
attack of all times?

Before the president can answer, the recess bell rings, and the kids leave the
room. After they came back, Bush invited them again to ask questions. Joey
stands up and tells him “Mr. President, I got 5 questions:”

1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you Still
won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don’t you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist
Attack of all times?
4. Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
5. Where’s Bobby?

Don’t Believe Bush’s Lie

(instrumental intro)
Bush likes to think that he is never wrong.
Our lives mean nothing to fat cats and the strong.
The world knows the scheming of the Shrub,
Who’s leaning on his everlasting war.
If he can seize it, then he can do it.
Use force to achieve it, steal it, or screw it.
Don’t believe Bush’s lie.
Don’t believe him; just ask him why
He thinks he’ll always get the right wing’s way.
Gettin’ things through bribes he’ll pay.
Don’t believe in his war.
Because this dunce is through, soon in ’04.
Don’t believe Bush’s lie.
Don’t believe Bush’s lie.
No, don’t believe Bush’s lie.
Our nation’s on the verge of breaking down.
Bush would divide us; we must scream, “So long!”
Through means satirical, we strive: have Bush relieved.
‘Cause Bush could blow it; war he’ll ride for greed.
Hey, why believe his sh*t?
If he can seize it, then he can eat it.
Use force to achieve it, steal it, or screw it.
Don’t believe Bush’s lie…
Don’t believe Bush’s lie…
(repeat refrain and fade)

POST TURTLE

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor
asked his patient how he thought George W. Bush was doing as President.
The old man said, “Ya know, Bush is a post turtle.”
Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a “post turtle”
was.
He said, “Did you ever drive down a country road and come across a
fence post with a turtle balanced on top? You know he didn’t get there by
himself, he doesn’t belong there, he can’t get anything done while he’s up
there, and you just want to help the poor thing down. That’s a post turtle.”

Puzzled President

Cheney gets a call from his “boss”, W.
“I’ve got a problem,” says W.
“What’s the matter?” asks Cheney.
“Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle,
but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”
“What’s it a picture of?” asks Cheney.
“A big rooster,” replies W.
“All right,” sighs Cheney, “I’ll come over and have a look.”
So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the
jigsaw on his desk.
Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, “For crying out loud,
Georgie – put the corn flakes back in the box.”