Clinton driven over the edge

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic
and thought to him, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing’s even
moving.” He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of
cars.
So he rolls down his window and asks, “Excuse me, Officer, what’s the hold
up?” The Officer replies, “The President just found out Starr has delivered
another report to the Congress and he’s all depressed. He stopped his motorcade
in the middle of the Beltway and he’s threatening to douse himself in gasoline
and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn’t have the
$33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I’m walking around taking up a collection for
him.”
“Oh really? How much have you collected so far?”
“I’ve got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about three
hundred gallons.”

Clinton Lovin’

Bill: “Summer intern, had me a blast”
Monica: “White house intern, happened so fast”
Bill: “Met a girl, crazy for me”
Monica: “Met the prez, down on my knees”
Bill: “Summer days, sucking away, oh, I, but those summer nights”
Investigation Committee: “Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah. uh Tell us more,
tell us more”
Linda Trip: “try to remember your best”
Investigation Committee: “Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Star: “Did he come on your dress?”
Bill: “Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp”
Monica: “The prez is sexy – he makes my panties damp”
Bill: “She gave me head, right in the White House”
Monica: “I said OK, just don’t come in my mouth”
Investigation Committee: “Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah. uh Tell us more,
tell us more”
Linda Trip: “he sounds like a swell guy”
Investigation Committee: “Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Star: “Did he tell you to lie?”
Bill: “Press found out, it turned into a mess”
Monica: “He gave me fifty bucks to buy a new dress”
Bill: “She promised to lie, she made a vow”
Monica: “Wonder who is servicing him now”
Bill & Monica: “Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seams But………oh, Those
White House Nights”

I’ll have the same thing he’s having”.

Jerry Farwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After
the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before
him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped by a
brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!”
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “I’m
sorry, I didn’t know there was a choice. I’ll have the same thing he’s having”.

Clinton & The Puppie

Bill Clinton was out jogging one morning, when he came to an apartment complex.

Sitting outside on the steps was a cute little girl with a big box.

As Bill jogged closer, he could see that the box was full of adorable puppies.

He went to the little girl and said “Awww…those are the cutest puppies”

The little girl said “These aren’t puppies. I call them Democrats.”

Bill thought this was really sweet and said “Well, that’s so sweet!”

A few days later, Hillary was jogging with Bill when they came to the same building with the little girl outside.

The girl was still there with the box. Bill nudged Hillary and said “Watch this.”

He asked the little girl, “What have you got there? Puppies?”

The little girl shook her head and said “No, not puppies, I call them Republicans.”

Bill was shocked. He said “But I thought you said they were Democrats???”

The little girl said “Well, they were…but now they’ve got their eyes open!!”

The 11th Commandment

Last week a very important meeting took place among God, the Pope, and Moses. They were troubled because the President of the United States was behaving in an inappropriate manner. They decided that the only course of action was to create an 11th Commandment. But the problem remained, exactly how to word this new commandment so that it matched the other commandments in style and holy inspiration.After great meditation and discussion, they finally got it right…”THOU SHALT NOT COMFORT THY ROD WITH THY STAFF.”