There was this little guy

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big guy comes in and –WHACK!! — knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says, ”That was a karate chop from Korea.”

The little guy thinks ”GEEZ,” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden –WHACK– the big guy knocks him down AGAIN and says, ”That was a judo chop from Japan.”

So the little guy has had enough of this… He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and –Bong!!!– bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!

The little guy looks at the bartender and says, ”When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears.”

Horse country

A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding.

He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, “Lawyers are horses’ asses.”

One of the locals spoke up on hearing this said, “Mister, you’d better watch what you say. You’re in horse country.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Drinking Buddies

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City.
They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says “So
where are you from, then?”

“I’m from Ireland.”

“Me too! I’ll drink to that.”

They both finish their pints and order two more.

“Where in Ireland are you from?”

“Dublin.”

“Me too! I’ll drink to that.”
They both finish their pints and order two more.

“Where in Dublin are you from?”

“The East Side.”

“The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I’ll drink to that!” They both
finish their pints and order two more.

“Where on the East Side are you from?”

“McDonagh Street.”

“Me too! This is incredible! I’ll drink to that.”

As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar
says to him, “That’s amazing! I can’t believe they’re from the same street in
Dublin.

What’s going on?”

“Oh, it’s nothing amazing,” says the bartender,� it�s just the Ferguson twins
getting sloshed again.”

Finding The Car

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. ‘What the heck are you doing ?’ he asks the drunk. ‘I’m looking for my car, and I can’t find it.’ he replies. ‘So how does feeling the roof help you ?’ asks the puzzled manager.’Well,’ replies the drunk earnestly, ‘MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!’.

Hit the Monkey

2 guys go into a bar. One guy said to the other, why is that monkey over there? He answer “Well watch this.”
He went and slapped the monkey across the head and the monkey went and sucked his dong. So he said to the other guy, “Wanna try that?”

He answered “Sure. Just don’t hit me as hard as you hit that monkey.”

A man and a woman were involved

A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. ”Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives,” she spoke wisely. ”I agree completely, ma’am,” the man replied. The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. ”This bottle of wine wasn’t even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship.” ”That’s a great idea, miss,” the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share. ”I’m sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?” ”No, thanks,” came the reply. ”I’ll just wait on the cops to get here.”

Poor farmer

A farmer is sitting in the village pub getting pissed. A man comes in and asks the farmer, ‘Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?’ Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain.’ Man: ‘So what happened that is so horrible?’ Farmer: ‘Well, if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over’ Man: ‘That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal?’ Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain. ‘ Man: ‘So then what happened?’ Farmer: ‘I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over. ‘ Man: �Again? So what did you do then?’ Farmer: ‘I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. ‘ Man: �And then what.’ Farmer: ‘I sat back down and continued to milk her and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.’ Man: ‘Wow, you must have been pretty upset.’ Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain.’ Man: ‘So then what did you do?’ Farmer: ‘Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.’