Quickies

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?

A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?

A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?

A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?

A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?

A: K9P.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?

A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?

A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?

A: Dill-dough

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?

A: He heard the snowblower coming.

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THE STUDENT’S ANSWER

The student – not necessarily a well-prepared student – sat in his life
science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question
directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.”
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head,
hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can’t steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
Um. So far so good – maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again,
what to write?
Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again. But suddenly,
he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he scribbled his definitive
answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.

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Top nfl complaints

1. After shooting the blank gun to end the half, the Dallas Cowboy players
start shooting back with live ammunition.
2. Calling “heads or tails” but never getting any. . . “head” or “tail”.
3. Players get “the wave”. . . refs get “the finger”.
4. Anyone who makes a call against the Detroit Lions risks pissing off their
last remaining fan.
5. With Reggie White retired, the penalty for “Illegal use of a racial slur”
is meaningless.
6. Just when we thought it was safe to be an NFL Ref, we have to go back to
frickin’ CLEVELAND!!!
7. Thanks to instant replay, picking nose during a game is twice as risky.
8. Everyone else gets to wear their Autumn colors, but for me it’s black and
white week after week after week!
9. Don King only bribes boxing judges.
10. Official rule books not made in Braille.
11. I’m the one that everybody wants to kill, so where’s MY helmet and pads?!

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Le dice Venancia a su

Le dice Venancia a su esposo:

“Manolo, te tengo dos noticias, una buena y una mala. La buena es que voy a tener un hijo, la mala es que no es tuyo, es de tu amigo Pepe.”

Manolo se queda callado un instante y finalmente le responde:

“Pues no hay problema, �no le decimos nada y nos quedamos con �l!

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Confucius Sex

Confucious say:

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Man who stand on toilet
high on pot. It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for
boy to park meat in girl! Man who jizz in cash register come into
money. Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. Man who fart
in church must sit in own pew. Man who finger girl having period get
caught red handed. Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam. Baseball
wrong–man with four balls cannot walk. Man who eat many prunes get
good run for money. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with
smelly finger. Learn to masturbate–come in handy. Woman who pounce
on dead rooster go down on limp cock. Man who buy drowned cat must
pay for wet pussy. Virgin like balloon–one prick, all gone.

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