Proctologists Beer

A proctologist was getting ready to examine a patient. He buzzed his nurse and asked her to bring him a light.

A short time later, the nurse walked in and handed him a bottle of beer.

The doctor looked at the bottle in his hand, looked at the nurse, and said, “No, Nurse. I wanted a BUTT light!”

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Una pareja de novios est�

Una pareja de novios est� en casa de la novia acarici�ndose y bes�ndose, y de pronto el chico, emocionado, se saca su “cosa”.

Repentinamente llega el padre de la chica y a nuestro amigo no le da tiempo de guardarse su “cosa” y decide tirarse en el piso como si estuviera buscando algo. El suegro, intrigado por la extra�a posici�n del chico le pregunta:

“�Qu� co�o est�s haciendo?”

“�Es que vi a un rat�n que acaba de cruzar por aqu�!”

“�Pero t� est�s busc�ndolo para matarlo o para cog�rtelo?”

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Blonde, Brunette, Redhead ordering drinks

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.

Brunette: “I’ll have a B and C.”

Bartender:”What is a B and C?”.

Brunette: “Bourbon and Coke.”

Redhead: “And, I’ll have a G and T.”

Bartender: “What’s a G and T?”

Redhead: “Gin and tonic.”

Blonde: “I’ll have a 15.”

Bartender: “What’s a 15?”

Blonde: “7 and 7”

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Throwing Stuff Down A Mineshaft

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft
going straight down into the ground.

“Wow,” said the first guy. “I wonder how deep it is?”

“I dunno,” said the second. “Let’s find out.” With that, he dropped a rock
down the hole. They waited and waited, but didn’t hear it hit bottom.

“Hmm. Let’s try a bigger rock,” said the first guy, and tossed a
watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but
didn’t hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw
down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped
down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked
between the two of them and jumped straight down the mineshaft.

While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came
up the path and asked them if they’d seen a goat.

“Yeah, just now,” said one of the first two guys. “It just ran up and jumped
down this hole.”

“Oh, well then it couldn’t have been my goat,” said the third guy. “My goat
was tied to an old railroad tie.”

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Military Talk

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

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Three newlywed couples were having breakfast…

Three newlywed couples were having breakfast together at the honeymoon hotel’s
restaurant. When the food finally
arrived, the first husband, eager to display his love for his bride said,
“Pass the honey, honey.”

Not to be outdone, the second husband said “Pass the sugar,
sugar.”

The third wife looked at her husband, expecting similar treatment. Not to be outdone
he blurted out
“Pass the pork, pig.”

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