Jokes tagged as Medical

dumb & dumber

After seeing the report card, the mother told her son,
"How come you are so dumb? you fail on most...

Why did the nurse go to art school?

Why did the nurse go to art school?Answer: To learn how to draw blood!...

Get a heart transplant

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower be...

Do you have a solution?

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, wha...

Did you take the patient's temperature?

Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?
Nurse: No. Is it missing?...

We need to help these people

A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.

Doctor: We need to get these people...

Did you ever have this before?

Doctor: Have you ever had this before?

Patient: Yes.

Doctor: Well, you've got it again!...

My son swallowed the can opener

Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be al...

I'm gaining weight doctor

Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.Doctor: You should diet.Trish: Really? What color?...

What is your problem?

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hea...

You're in great health

Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty.Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.Doct...

Driving exams worry me

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass ...

The Code of Ethical Behavior for Patients

1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient's suffering mig...

Doctor, should I file my nails?

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else....

I think I need a pair of glasses

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank....

Get me an ambulence now

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.

Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!

Op...

Is she feeling any better?

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No cha...

Benefits of having Alzheimer's disease

5. You never have to watch reruns on television.4. You are always meeting new people.3. You don't ha...

The prison hospital

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidn...

How much will this cost me?

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $100.00.

Patient: $100.00 for just a few...