Jokes tagged as Animals

Cross-Eyed Dog

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can...

Camel Questions

The little camel went to his mother and asked, "Mother, why do we camels have such big eyes?"
She ...

A snake's new glasses

A old snake goes to see his Doctor.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these da...

How to clean your toilet

Instructions on how to clean your toilet.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pe...

Hair blown

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on...

Drunk Giraffe

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the...

Chuckie Chicken

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder...

Clever Doggie

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he no...

Comfortable

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few ...

Dangerous Squirrels

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe’s first time ever hunting, so he was...

Dirty Birds

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking par...

Farmer Joe and his Mule

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking co...

PMS

Q: Why do they call it PMS?

A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken....

Not what you think

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

Half of a cat....

Hare less

Q: Why don’t rabbits make noise when they have sex?
A: They have cotton balls....

I cracked up

Q: What do you get when you breed an elephant with a poodle?

A: A dead poodle, split in half....

Catch a rabbit

Q. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

A. Unique Up On It....

Tame Rabbit

Q. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

A. Tame Way, Unique Up On It....

Dog With No Legs

Q. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
A. Right Where You Left Him...

Gorillas

Q. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
A. Because! They Have Big Fingers...